


The Monsters Running Wild Inside Of Me

by JD_Steiner



Series: It's Not So Wrong To Be....Shameless !!! [3]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Hospitalization, Mental Instability, Psychosis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2019-11-12 01:08:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18000917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JD_Steiner/pseuds/JD_Steiner
Summary: Ian has now been admitted to the psychiatric unit at Northern Memorial Hospital, downtown Chicago on a 51-50 hold; which means that they can keep him for 72 hours for observation. He is also obviously a danger to himself or to others in order to be put on this hold. It is also believed that he is off of his medication.This takes place on Ian's second day at the hospital where he has been staying in his room, not getting out of bed or talking. The doctor has called Fiona to come downtown to the hospital to discuss her brother's case and to see if she can help, talk to him.





	1. Ian, Interrupted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Please Note*  
> This is an actual real working hospital in downtown Chicago, I do like to research for my fanfic. I do not associate myself or Shameless with them in any way in real life/on tv.

The elevator dinged as the doors opened to the thirteenth floor at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. Fiona stepped off and immediately headed for the reception area where staff kept busy accessing patient files, on the phone handling business and other administrative tasks. She had been through all of this before with Ian, but it still made her uncomfortable as she stared around nervously. It just reminded her too much of their mother, Monica, who had been in and out of these places all of their lives.  
“Hi, Welcome to the Norman and Ida Stone Institute, how can I help you?”  
“Hi!” Fiona chirped “I'm here to see Ian Gallagher.”  
“Ok, just one moment.” she picked up the phone, punched numbers. Fiona looked around the reception area classy she thought to herself, definitely not what they were used to.  
A door beeped and opened, from it, emerging a tall man dressed neatly in a dress shirt, slacks and lab coat. As he approached Fiona, she could also see that he sported a bald head and had striking blue eyes with a great smile to match. (Michael Chiklis)  
“Hi, I'm Dr. Butler.” He extended a hand “You must be Fiona, Welcome!”  
“Yes, thank you.” Fiona took his hand, his grip was firm, strong and confident.  
“This is highly unusual that we ask the family to come see a patient so early on, just so you understand. Usually, we don't allow visitors until they have been here at least a week; have actually begun treatment and are a little more stable. In this case, though, I think it will actually help, if you will follow me, I can take you to him.”  
“Ok.”  
Dr. Butler led them back through the door he came out of, unlocking it with a beep with his ID badge attached to his lab coat. As they entered the ward, he continued “Since Ian was bought to us last night, he has been in this same state.” They walked through the bright facility, lots of natural light streaming in from large windows which gave a great view of the city. Down a hall, Dr. Butler knocked lightly before opening a door to a small, simple and modernly furnished room decorated to look homey and comforting. In the bed, covered in the blankets was Ian.  
“Now you said your mother, Monica, suffered from Bi-polar disorder as well?”  
“Yes.”  
“Are we able to speak with her? Maybe it would help give us some insight?”  
“No, unfortunately, she died a while ago.”  
“What about your father?”  
“He's not really around a whole lot, he's a drunk and an addict.”  
“Oh...”  
“Yeah, I've been the guardian of my siblings since I was 21, I basically raised 'em all on my own.”  
“That's quite a feat for such a young lady!”  
“Thank-you.”  
“He seems like a good kid, under all of this. I take it there has been a lot that has gone on at home?”  
“Oh, you don't know the half of it!” Fiona quipped, smiling as bits and pieces of different events that had happened over the years ran through her mind.  
“If you don't mind, when you are done here, I would like to ask you a few more questions about Ian's home life.”  
“Sure.”  
“Go ahead, I will be close by if you need anything. Please come see me in my office down the hall when you are done.”  
Dr. Butler closed the door, leaving them alone and shutting out the other noise of the ward. Fiona walked the few steps over to the low bed, she could see he was lying facing the wall with his back to her. Sitting down on the edge, she put her hand on Ian's shoulder, giving it a little shake.  
“Hey Ian, it's me, Fiona...”  
Ian lets out a little groan as if he just woke up “Fiona?”  
“Hey” She smiles at him 'How ya doin'? The doctor said all you have been doin' since you got here is laying here like this, upset. Will you talk to me?”  
Ian visibly starts to cry, his body shaking as he sobs, Fiona lays a hand on his cheek, comfortingly. Her fingers play with the strands of hair hanging down, her thumb caressing his cheek like a mother would. “It's ok, I am right here, Ian. You're not alone, please talk to me. You're pretty shaken up and you look like you've seen a ghost.”  
“I...I saw him, Fiona.”  
“Who?”  
“Mickey,” Ian whispers “As they were loading me into the ambulance. He was standing behind you guys; in the middle of the street.”  
“Are you sure? I mean, it wasn't the meds or your bi-polar?”  
“I know what I saw, Fi.” he choked on a sob “Please keep that between us..”  
Fiona nods “Uh huh.”  
“I...I feel like..I am losing him all over again, Fi. My heart is breaking.” another heart-wrenching sob  
“Why, Fiona?” the last two words were the most pitiful she had ever heard Ian Clayton Gallagher sound.  
With tears in her own eyes, she found herself getting emotional for her brother. Sure, Mickey Milkovich wasn't the best person for Ian, but she could see the connection that they shared together. Mick considered Ian and the Gallaghers family, as they did the Milkovich's, well Mickey and Mandy anyway. All she could do was rub her brother's forehead with her thumb and reassure him that everything was going to be ok. As she said this, she let the tears fall silently, it was so hard to be strong for him when his heart-wrenching loss and now this hospitalization was hard on not only him but on her and the rest of the family too. 

After ensuring that Ian was asleep, Fiona took a few minutes to compose herself in Ian's bathroom. Looking in the mirror, she was glad she hadn't worn any makeup, as it would have smeared down her face by now. Running the tap, she splashed some cool water on her face, drying it with a nearby towel. Her heart, she realized, ached for Ian more than she thought. He had taken it really hard and after the initial shock, he hadn't really properly grieved. Now, she hoped, he would get the help that he needed to work through it.


	2. Chapter 2

When Ian woke again, there was a different voice speaking to him, this time he didn't recognize it. His head felt really groggy and everything seemed muffled.  
“Well hello, Ian. I don't know if you remember me?”  
Ian turned over in bed to find a tall, bald man standing over him smiling. His bright blue eyes staring down into Ian's green ones warmly in greeting.  
“Huh? Wha?”  
“I'm Dr. Butler; we met down in the ER when you were first admitted here...”  
“I'm in the hospital?”  
“Yes, you are at Northwestern Memorial Hospital and we are going to take very good care of you.”  
Someone else had entered the room now, laying down a bag on the end of the bed “I've gone through the bag doctor, he's good.” she said, before quickly turning to leave again.  
“Ok Ian, this is what we are going to do. I want you to get up, have a shower, trust me, you will feel better. In the meantime, we will rustle you up something to eat. After that, I will have you come to my office for a friendly chat.”  
“Uh, ok....”  
“See you in thirty minutes or so, Mr. Gallagher.”  
“Doc, um..just so you know, I don't have any insurance, no one in my family does. We're south-siders. There's no way that we can afford to pay for this.”  
“No worries; you were referred to us by our ER department. We can not refuse medical treatment to someone in need.”  
“Look, I...”  
“I took on your case because I want to help you.” With that, he left Ian alone again. 

Sitting up, he swung his feet out over the edge of the bed and immediately felt a wave of nausea wash over him. Springing to his feet, he raced to the bathroom just in time to hang over the toilet as he dropped to his knees and be sick.   
“Fuckin' Meds!” He cursed between breaths before being sick again.   
After hanging over the toilet a few more minutes, just to be sure, he pushed himself up off of the bathroom floor, his bare feet squeaking on the tile as he held on to the edge of the sink and toilet for support. Dizzy, he managed to pull himself upright turning to the mirror. Man he looked like shit, paler than normal, even for a ginger-haired man like himself. His eyes were red and puffy, face forlorn.   
“Jesus, Ian, you really need to get a grip,” he told his reflection before walking back out to the bag that had been left for him. Searching through it, he found his toothbrush and toothpaste and shower needs and headed back to the bathroom. Starting the shower, he let it run while he brushed his teeth, unsuccessful at getting the taste completely out of his mouth.

Within another ten minutes, Ian had showered, dried and dressed in his favorite jeans and a white tank top. Towel drying his hair as he walked out of the bathroom, there was a soft knock at the door before it opened. A mocha colored woman entered the room, she must have been closer to late twenties, maybe a little older, he figured. Petite, her braided hair was up perfectly in a bun on the top of her head. She smiled at him, holding out a plate with some toast.   
“Here ya go, sugar. It's all I can get, for now, seein' as you missed breakfast. This should help your stomach.”   
“Thanks.” He took the small plate, taking a bite of toast eagerly as his stomach growled, he was starved.  
She placed a cup on the stand beside the bed “Water, to take these.” she held out a little white paper cup to him, which he reluctantly took.  
Staring into it for a second, he looked back up at her “Really?”  
“Yes, you must take your medication, there are two ginger gravol in there as well to help with the side effects. Take them now, before you go see the doctor.”  
Giving her a look, Ian takes the meds, chasing them with the water as she watches. When she is satisfied he has taken the meds, she leaves him alone to finish his toast, which, for Ian, doesn't take long.

Ian approached Dr. Butler's office, knocking on the door that stood ajar.  
Dr. Butler sat behind his handsome dark solid wood desk, back on to the giant floor to ceiling windows which provided an ample view. Light reflected off of light eggshell walls and simple furnishings on the grey carpet. In front of the desk sat two overstuffed; comfortable looking chairs which Dr. Butler now pointed to “Please, come in Ian, have a seat. Close the door behind you.”  
Ian entered the room, closing the door he chose the chair on the right and sat down. “This is quite the view you have here, Doc.” He was right, this chair was comfy, it somehow instantly made him feel at ease.  
“It is, isn't it? I love this city.” Dr. Butler smiled at him. “I spoke with your sister, Fiona when she was here. She told me a bit about your life at home, your mother, Monica who was Bipolar and an addict. Your father...Frank, was it?”  
“Yes.”  
“Also an addict and alcoholic.” Dr. Butler was flipping through Ian's chart, looking back through his history, including his rap sheet. “I see here that you have had substance abuse problems in the past..arrested for disorderly conduct, had a few trips to jail for the night...also illegal substances, E, Coke, Marijuana....” Dr. Butler flipped a couple of pages, stopping to read notes “Says here you tried to steal a helicopter?”  
“Yeah...that was a long time ago when they first diagnosed me with what they think is Bipolar.”  
“Uh huh, this was at.. Cook County, correct?”  
“Yes”  
“Tell me about your mother, Ian. Fiona mentioned that out of all of the kids, the two of you were probably the closest. She never mentioned, but how did your mother die?”  
“She had a brain aneurysm, died on our living room floor,” Ian stated flatly.  
The doctor scribbled something on his note pad.  
This went on much the same for the next forty-five minutes; by the time Ian walked out of Dr. Butler's office, he felt mentally exhausted. His head seemed even more cloudy than when he had walked in. 

 

Wondering around aimlessly for a few minutes, Ian finally settled on the lounge which was empty at the moment. Sitting down on the sofa, he stared blankly at the tv, which was turned in to the local news, his stomach was churning which made him nauseous but it was more manageable now, compared to before. His thoughts drifted but they didn't get far in his brain only to be fogged by the meds that they had given him, although now, a ghostly image of Mickey was permanently fucking etched there staring at him with tears in his eyes.   
Ian hadn't noticed the young man that had approached him and was now standing there to his left.   
“Um..Hi.”   
Ian glances up at him with kind of an annoyed look as the young man extends a hand  
'I'm Julien.”  
Ian looks up at the young man who is smiling at him under a head of unruly blond hair, his wide; almost sinister smile carrying to his bright blue eyes.  
“Ian.” Taking the young man's hand in his own.  
“Yeah..Yeah I thought that was you!!” Julien said rather excitedly “Gay Jesus!”  
Ian smiles, remembering how good it had felt “Yeah, that was quite a while ago now.”  
“Man, you were amazing! I mean, how you stood up for those kids!”  
“Thanks.”  
“Can I?” Julien asks, pointing to the seat next to Ian.  
“Yeah.” Wow, this kid was literally vibrating, full of energy and spunk as he sat down, literally shaking in his seat.  
“Wow, I wish someone stood up for me like that. Then maybe I wouldn't be here...I wouldn't be locked away like some sort of...Freak. Forcing me to take meds I don't wanna take...forced to do therapy that I...don't....don't wanna do, Ian. Every week they Zap me. They call it electroconvulsive therapy, I call it torture.”  
“That's still a thing?”  
“Oh yes, my friend, it's a thing.”  
“Wait, let me get this straight, your parents locked you in here just because you're gay?”  
Julien considers for a moment with a half pout and a shrug “Not entirely, but let me tell you, they were not happy when they found out I am gay. They even tried to get me to go to one of those stupid conversion camps, ya know.”  
“Tried?”  
“I snuck out in the middle of the night and took off. Had the cops search for me for four days before they found me, hauled my ass here. At least until my parents decide what they want to do with me.”  
“You seem pretty normal to me, what do you think they will do?”  
“Oh who knows...they have money and as we both know money talks. It can also do a lot of things. I come from money, Ian. A rich north side kid who had everything going for me in life just got accepted to college for the fall, happy, care-free. Now, I will be lucky if I am allowed back into my old room to get my stuff....How about you?”

Ian happened to glance up at the TV, immediately recognizing the neighborhood, he picked up the remote on the table and turned up the volume.  
“Hi, I'm Lindsay Thompson, reporting live from the south side where chaos has erupted after police were called to break up a fight outside the local watering hole, The Alibi Room.   
In the background, behind the reporter, the presence of the Chicago PD was known, patrol cars sat parked on the street, lights flashing. A second ambulance pulled up and EMT's jumped out as officers interviewed witnesses and finished taping off the scene.  
“Eyewitnesses say that the disturbance started inside the bar when a fight broke out between two patrons, resulting in broken furnishings before they were ejected by the owner, where the fight continued here, outside the bar where one of the men pulled a gun, shooting the other. We have been told that he is stable and that the injury is non-fatal.”  
They switch to footage of the gunshot victim being loaded into the ambulance, Ian recognizes him immediately.  
“Fuckin' Frank!”  
Julien is looking at him funny so Ian explains.  
“Frank's my dad.”  
On the TV, the reporter was now talking to Kermit before switching over to Kev. Ian picked up the remote and muted it.  
“Don't you want to see the rest of it?” Julien asked.  
“Nah, Frank will be fine, I'm sure. That normal for me.”  
“I take it the two of you don't have the best relationship?”  
“No. We don't have one at all, really.”  
“Your mom?”  
“She's dead.”  
“Oh...Well, I'm sorry...”  
Not saying anything else, Ian felt the urgent need to be alone. Pushing himself up, he felt dizzy for a moment before walking away, toward his room.  
There was a muffled “Bye, see you later...” from Julien, behind him.  
Once there, he led down in bed, pulling the covers up over him. Softly; he wept, tears falling onto the crisp white pillow and he just let them come as waves of emotion washed over him, his body shivering and in his chest, his heart beat rapidly. Nausea arose in him and he clamped his eyes and mouth shut tight, willing it to go away.   
“Ian” he wasn't sure exactly how long he had been laying there when a soft voice came from beside him.  
Opening his eyes his body jumped back, close to the edge of the bed. Mickey lay there, next to him, a look of concern on his face and love in his blue eyes which were bright against his translucent body. Ian clamped his eyes shut again, whispering “It's not real, he's not there...it's just your bipolar..” before opening his eyes again and nearly jumping when he saw that Mickey was indeed still there.  
“Oh, I'm fuckin' real!!” Mick's ghostly hand outstretched, touched Ian's hand that lay next to him on the mattress. Immediately, Ian felt his hand go cold as the temperature only over the appendage dropped as their hands touched. Pins and needles started at the tips of his fingers, down his hand and into his wrist as their hands intertwined as they once had in a loving gesture. Mickey smiled at him “See.”  
“Mickey...” Ian whispered as a sense of calm began to wash over him like the warm glow of the sun's rays coming in through a window. After a minute or so, he was fully relaxed and suddenly his eyes felt heavy and he was exhausted.  
“Shhh..sleepyface, rest, it's alright” Mickey assured him as Ian drifted off into sleep as he smiled, fresh tears in his green eyes as he recalled how much he missed Mickey calling him that.


	3. So Happy Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to set the mood for this chapter:  
>  Alan Walker -Faded (NCS Release)   
> A Heavy Thunderstorm 
> 
> It's been taking a while to update because I have had things going on in my life to deal with including a move.   
> I find that it's hard to write when there is a lot going on personally and my mind just doesn't want to cooperate.

The sun was bright and warm on his face as he looked around, once again finding himself in a field.   
“Hey! Over here!” He heard Mickey's voice call as he turned to see him standing there, arms outstretched with a cat ate the canary grin on his face.  
Ian smiled, breaking into a jog, crossing the field to crash into Mickey's arms, neither of them saying a word as they embraced.   
When both boys stepped back, they each wiped at their faces, Mickey trying to be a little more discreet about it but Ian noticed anyway and let out a little chuckle.   
“What the fuck are you lookin' at Gallagher?”  
“Don't think I didn't see that tear...You missed me.”  
“Fuck, of course I fuckin' missed you..” Mickey began to choke up. “I missed you like hell man.”  
Ian stepped in front of Mick, his right hand on the back of Mick's head, he bought their heads together so their foreheads were touching.”I missed you too.”  
Slowly, their heads turned, lips locking in a passionate kiss,the flame rekindling like they had never been apart.   
Mickey reached down, grabbing Ian's hand as he slowly pulls away, staring into Ian's bright emerald eyes a second before turning away, pulling at Ian's hand, urging him to follow.

They crossed the bright green field together, hand in hand under the blue sky, the sun warm on their bodies as their outstretched hands touched tall blades of grass that reached tall into the sky trying to soak up as much of the sun as possible. Bee's buzzed from flower to flower, crickets chirped and butterflies fluttered happily around them. Happiness seemed to free-flow from within him and looking over at Mick, he knew that the feeling was mutual by the look in his eyes and the perma-grin etched on his usually smug face.

Laughing as they moved, playfully pushing each other they collapse into the grass, Ian on top of Mick, pinning him as he grabs Mick's 'wrists so he can't fight back, both of them laughing as they try and catch their breath. Leaning in; Ian presses his lips to Mick's shutting him up, mid-laugh. The kiss catches Mick off guard but after a few seconds, his hand comes up to the back of Ian's head.   
They roll in the grass so Mick is on top “My turn!” he grins, trying to grab Ian's arms the same way as Ian had grabbed him.   
“Not a chance!” Ian countered, fighting back, pushing against Mick, their hands locked together feeling Mickey's body pressed against him;the warmth radiating off of him and the fact that he was getting one hell of a boner.   
“Oh yea army?”   
“Yeah!” Using his force, he rolls to the right, pushing Mick off as he rolls also switching positions, straddling him.”Told you!”  
“Yeah, tough guy?” Mick sticks his tongue out at Ian as he pulls the belt off of his jeans, undoing the button. Pulling his jeans down, Ian presses his full hard-on against Mick's own erection, kissing him again giving a little smile.   
Mickey grabs for his jeans but Ian is already ahead of him, undoing the button and with a quick jerk pulls them down to his knees with a sly, playful grin as he leans in before they lock lips; pressing his hard-on into Mick's again and whispering in his ear “I want you.”  
Mick chuckled as Ian forcefully flipped him over, pulling at his underwear now, hauling them down to his knees “Ready?”  
He entered Mickey slowly as Mick groaned under him “That fuckin' feels good!”  
“It's been way too long...” Bracing himself on the ground with an open hand, Ian leaned down, kissing Mick's neck making him moan again so he kept doing it adding a little suction to create a hickey before moving over his shoulder and across his back to the other side slowly, kissing his back. Biting Mick's earlobe, he whispered: “I missed you.”  
“Fuck!” Mick grunted from under him as Ian went a bit faster, letting out a moan himself. “I missed you too.”  
Ian leaned down, whispering in Mick's left ear “You mean... you missed my cock..” Under him, Mick wore a sly grin as Ian said this, turning him on even more. He liked their little teasing games, it was part of the bond that the two of them had shared since that summer at little league when they had become friends, sorta. Sure, it had evolved since then and with that had become even more fun.  
“Hey I just fuckin' admitted I fuckin' missed you...all of you.”  
“Yeah, but mostly my cock.” Ian reiterated before giving another; more forceful thrust making Mick wince in pain yet groan in pleasure at the same time, picking up speed.  
“Almost there” Ian whispered in his right ear before kissing Mick's neck again, clamping down a bit with his teeth, making Mick wince as he left marks on his skin.   
Under him, Mick came first with a loud grunt “Oh Fuck!” as he leaned into Ian's few final thrusts as he finished too, letting himself fall on top of Mick while still inside of him. Both panting as they try and catch their breath.  
Ian kissed Mick's neck again before pulling out and pulling up his jeans. Beside him, Mick re-dressed as well. 

Ian finished dressing first, laying on the grass, hands behind his head he looked over as Mickey lay beside him, both of them sweating and trying to catch their breath as they stared up at the sky as out of nowhere it began to darken.

Ominous clouds rolled in from both sides, almost as if rolling over one another as they sat low in the sky. Deep charcoal gray; almost black, quickly crowding out the sun and forming a wall as more darker, meaner clouds gathered behind forming a supercell storm. Thunder rumbled low, making the ground beneath them shake and give a warning that couldn't be ignored.  
“C'mon” Mick jumped up, holding out a hand to pull Ian up off of the ground  
“This way!” Still holding Ian's hand, pulling him back across the field and toward the Damen Silo's that seemed to appear; like tall dark omens underneath the clouds as more thunder rumbled accompanied by lightning that lit up the sky in a series of purple streaks that moved quickly across the sky before seeming to vanish into the clouds.  
The wind picked up, making the grass around them wave wildly, tossing any garbage and sand into the air that happened to be around, creating a mini dust storm which quickly began to swell into something more fierce as a violent, ear-shattering clap of thunder came from directly overhead accompanied by lightning so bright, it lit up the whole sky and the field around them for a few split seconds. Big drops of cold rain began to fall, instantly soaking Ian to the bone, matting his ginger hair to his head as another low rumbling clap of thunder made his legs shake like low bass from good speakers followed as it echoed off by a loud CRACK almost as if the sky was being split open. A bolt of bright purple lightning arched down, hitting the ground quite close in front of him, making him fly back; landing on his ass on the ground, the shock vibrating under him. There was a round black scorch mark leading outward from the small crater left where the lightning had hit.  
Looking around, Mickey had disappeared.  
“Shit!”


End file.
